Too Poor for Burrata: Searching for Italy in All the Wrong Places

Lessons I've learned and places I've been before 25, on my 25th birthday.

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It seems everywhere I go, I seek out the best pizza. I yearn for a good burrata. An Aperol Spritz to accompany. And yet, Italy has never been on my mind. I pay big money for big pizza everywhere I go, and the burrata is always too rich, too marvelous-- and yet, I am sure nothing is good as a true Italian slice in the country itself. A fresh burrata from wherever burrata comes from. I feel like this is an allegory for my life-- at 25, I am realizing that I had all the wrong ideas about life. Searched for Italy in all the wrong places. But here I am, some great things accomplished, and much more to come. I think I have got my trajectory straight now... mas o menos, and I'm here to report in true Borat fashion what I have learned and where I have been for make-benefit of my countrymen. Great success!

As a kid, I always wanted to be a writer. I taught myself to read as a toddler. I wrote a very poignant tale of "Pigs in a Car." I thought I would write novels someday. But somewhere along the way, the dream of being an attorney came along. Much more practical, much more important, I thought. I so badly wanted to be someone important, and still do. What does being important look like? More on this later. But one mental health crisis later, I dropped out of school. Years following, tumultuous years-- I became a legal assistant. This job has afforded me great stability and benefits, benefits which allow me to fulfill my dream of traveling. But what now? I still dream of being a writer. I think there is more for me than assisting lawyers. I'm finding that I'm closer to little pre-k Baylie than ever before. Our dreams are in line. I think, in a small way, I am making her proud by writing on this blog, even if no one reads. And with every country I travel to, I am making high school Baylie proud. The girl who watched endless solo travel videos on YouTube and never dreamed it would be possible for her. The girl who never thought she would make enough money to do something that cool. Well, it's not as unattainable as she thought. I am healing my inner child. That is one success I can be proud of today at 25.

I wanted to be important. I thought being a lawyer was a path to that. I still fall into thinking that my worth is tied to my job, and if I'm not doing something "important", I'm not really living. What is important? I always imagined, and still do, that I would change the world someday. And now, although I've accomplished so much and made my younger self proud, I still find myself coming up short. Am I too poor for burrata? Have I been following the wrong path?

Although most times we choose our path, and our choices matter, sometimes things happen that are out of our control. My path, my choices, good and bad, have led me here. To this life I now live. Being a lawyer just wasn't in my path, as hard as I tried, and I think it's for the best. I have this wonderful thing that no lawyer I have met has-- it's kind of mysterious-- work life balance. And that, while it maybe doesn't make me an important person, is priceless and oh so precious. I've carved a path for myself that no one in my family really has-- speaking languages and traveling into the far reaches of the world. I think, in a small way, that every time I connect with someone in their native language, that matters. That is important. While perhaps not world-altering, it makes me feel like what I am doing is worth it, that life is worth living. Maybe that is a purpose all its own-- to make people feel important. Like their language is important, their culture is important-- their lives are important. Something unlocks when you connect with someone in that way, and it's beautiful.

But at 25, I see my life headed in a new direction. I am unsure what that holds or what it will look like. I have more clarity now-- the vision is more clear. Over many a thought-provoking Aperol Spritz I am forging a new path; chasing new dreams. In Paris I met a very old man named Ari over an espresso. Well, many espressos. We talked for over an hour. He was born in Morocco, just south of Marrakech, where I was just a few months ago. He lived in Israel for a time, left because of the conflict, and made his way to Paris, where he became an engineer. Now, he is retired, but on a Saturday over an espresso and cigarettes, he reviews project plans for something he is working on for fun-- turning a 17th-century convent in the south of France into a high school. If that isn't badass, I don't know what is. Meeting him gave me hope-- courage to follow these new dreams of mine. Life doesn't stop with age-- it keeps going. And it's never too late to work on a new project; to follow your passions. His wife got her master's degree in retirement in ancient semitic languages. Now she translates Cuniform-- for fun. What a power couple. Someday, I hope I can be like them. I hope I can look back on my life and realized I accomplished some things, and still charge forward full force.

Thank you for giving this little post your attention. To follow my travels, you can visit my Instagram. xx